I always like to think if I wake up tomorrow it's a brand new day and I won't take that for granted. I find that I lie to myself daily about not taking each day for granted, we all do it. It's as if we justify it by saying I have to plan things so we assuime we have many tomorrows. I never want to forget the lessons that I learned earlier in life about taking life for granted because they carried a tragic price tag. They are priceless.
My mom was a procrastinator (as am I) so April 5th 1980 my mom went Easter shopping that Saturday night would change all of our lives forever. We went Easter shopping and started home. At the same time a drunk driver was drag racing he had a passenger and they were drag racing 2 girls, all of a sudden 130 miles an hour 2 vehicles loose control and hit us head on. My mom died 3 times that first night . She had broken both of her arms and legs and had 64 fractures beyond that . My grandmother my mom's mom died and my sister Lori who was 11 months older than me died she was thrown through the windshield of our car. My brother had an ankle fracture , he was luckily instantly thrown from the car on the lower part of our back seat. Jeannie my older sister was seriously injured she had massive head trauma and had broken both of her cheek bones and nose . She had broken one of her arms and her humerous had came through her arm. I had broken both of my legs and had massive head trauma . I also had a compound fracture in my left leg femur and tibia right femur ankle and tibia.
My father was called to the hospital which I can imagine for him was the worst day of his life. I have few memories of the actual wreck but I remember almost all of the time in the hospital from the ambulance on. I didn't learn the truth about my sister until I went home which was close to 6 months after the wreck. I know why my dad didn't tell me the truth, he couldn't, he wouldn't, it would have killed us literally, I didn't know my grandmother was gone either until after going home too.
My life has been forever changed in ways you could never imagine. I have a huge problem waiting to give my kids gifts because I never know if they will be here or if I will. Stupid things now I guess but I've also always been traumatized when it gets near this time of year.
The reality sets in that Easter is around the corner and I have a hard time celebrating this day. this month this holiday that reminds me so much of what I know I will always think of .
I have to say it's not lost on me the importance of Easter and religion,but what has always been so hard to accept for me was that 2 drunks who caused this walked away....they lived long lives!
The women in the other car were also killed so total cost of one asshole's drunk night out = 4 lives and my family broken and in disarray. I have trouble reconciling how God can let this happen. Then I think God didn't make this happen a man made this happen.
I would love to say I've come to terms with my past and accept what happened that night , but I don't, I can't, and I won't . What was taken from me that night was my family, my faith,my security and most of all my childhood. I could never be that carefree kid after this happened. my mom was permanently disabled and there was never a childhood again.
I hope one day that I can reconcile this in my mind. I want the peace of forgiveness but I'm not ready for it. I sit here tears running, mind racing and hands trembling. This is not a mind ready to forgive this is a mind finally beginning to heal.
I look at this day as the day I'll try and take back Life and all of its splendor!
I think as I try and heal my broken mind and soul that I will add to this each day that I can. I won't say tomorrow not now.
*HUGS*
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